Random thoughts

This will be a very scattered post, chronicling my miscellaneous thoughts this afternoon:

• There are basically two kinds of blogs - those that are mainly fluff, pictures, and not too much depth (ours) and those that are mainly words and writings (often aspiring writers or just people who enjoy writing). I prefer to read the later and wish that our blog was more of the later but it just doesn't seem to happen... for several reasons. One, I'm not a big writer. I would like to someday be a writer. It sounds fun. It sounds interesting. But even if I have a good idea about something to write about, it never comes out the way I want. Perhaps part of the problem is I don't give myself the time to revise it or think it through all the way because I'm too impatient to move onto the next thing - ? The other major problem is that my brain is having a hard time thinking these days, much less writing. And yes, sorry boys, but I blame you Benji and Zac. Being a mother of young kids, especially a stay-at-home mom, can drain your energy so much that you just don't have the capacity to think too many other thoughts besides, "What should I cook for dinner? How can I make them OBEY? When is Daddy coming home?" My other problem is I wonder how much to share - i.e. how personal to get on my blog. I am not sure if I know where to draw the line, so I don't seem to even approach the line. So if anybody who is reading this has one of the more literary blogs, keep it up because I love to read your blogs!

• Even though summer has not officially begun, the last two days have been in the mid-80's which means it is summer regardless of what the calendar says. The last two days around lunchtime/naptime I have been a mean mother with a very short temper. I am reminded of how much weather can affect me. No, this is not an excuse - I am responsible for my behavior regardless of my circumstances (something I'm constantly telling Benji, by the way). But I will be wise and remember to just sit down and cool off under the fan, drinking some ice water rather than tackling a problem/issue right after I come into the front door from playing outside in the heat. It's better for me; it's better for the kids. The other two mood life-savers for me in the hot Arkansas summers are ice cream and a/c. We end up spending A LOT of money on both every summer but my husband would prefer a happy wife rather than the alternative.

• I received an email from a friend wondering why some of her friends have such a struggle with difficult marriages while both of us have such an easy time with such wonderful husbands. It made me think for awhile. It's true - some wives have such a hard time, whereas my husband's worst fault is some other husband's best strength. I am not saying this just to earn brownie points because Shearn Yoong will read this later (but it wouldn't hurt!) - it really is true. So I was thinking - why did I get lucky and others not so much? I wonder if God knew that I really couldn't take a bad marriage. Parenting can be so tough (and I only have TWO children) and some days I feel like I won't make it. If a bad marriage was added into the mixture, I wonder if I might just give up for real. Maybe God knew I needed some grace in the marriage department because I am not that strong of a person. Or perhaps time will give me and my friend with good marriages other suffering that our friends with bad marriage won't have to endure - you know, spread the suffering out into lots of areas. Just ideas. But for now my friend and I will be thankful that God gave us some good men.

• I am becoming terrified of adolescence. I know, our boys are 1 1/2 and 3 1/2 so we've got a long way to go. I am reading a book called "Songs without words" which is a very good book. But it has a very depressed teenager in it and has me as a mother wonder how I would respond if one of our boys was extremely depressed. I just don't know how I would go on. I'd probably join them in depression. Though I myself wasn't into too much trouble as a teenager, I knew plenty of people who were and it just terrifies me to think of my boys in those situations. I know, all the more reason to start some serious praying now.